I really am here….

The calendar tells me it’s a big week, and I find myself paying attention to the commercials that promise a cure for “crepey skin.” The AARP flier should be a kick in the gut, but I’m thrilled to be crossing this milestone.  Get a glimpse of the alternative and suddenly 50 is a number I’m glad to see. When I last wrote, I was struggling mightily because we had yet to get approval for my immune-globulin infusions. (My “globulins.”)  All I could manage was a little work, a smidge of self-care, and stacks of apologies for forgotten appointments, unreturned phone calls, and incomplete projects. After being in “remission” for my CVID, the lack of treatment woke it up, kicked my hiney, and made my world very small. I had great plans to bring you up to speed on everything else, but that whole hiney-kicking thing made it impossible.

Despite the CVID-induced fatigue, I carefully guarded my “spoons” and was lucky to be able to travel to Ohio to “shower” our son’s bride-to-be with a party that would make Martha Stewart run crying from the room. (This all due to the magical touch of Kaitie’s Aunt Jill, whom I have decided to be related to because she makes the best icing I’ve ever tasted. Which basically makes her the best person in the world.) The end of the magical weekend ended in true Cudahy fashion. My plane landed in Charlottesville, where I raced to the emergency room to spell Ryan who had been caring for Dylan…who had succumbed to a bout of norovirus that was reminiscent of that scene from Witches of Eastwick. Google it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

We are getting a daughter. How amazing is that?!

To continue our audacious February, despite the metal mask my mother made me wear and the gloves that never left my hands, (okay the mask wasn’t metal but it was supposed to be really good), and despite Dylan and I NEVER being in the same room during his convalescence, I began my own version of the technicolor yawn and Ryan got to chauffeur another Cudahy to the ER for fluids. And on it went. You know who fell next. Homeland Security just approved us to be part of their germ-warfare strategy, because we are nothing if not EFFECTIVE, leaving trails of….um…..DESTRUCTION, all over Virginia.

I am thrilled to report that I DID finally receive my immune-globulin infusions and my energy is gradually returning, my legs are “back.”  I’ve fought off multiple kidney infections and have kicked norovirus to the curb, and we are hoping that spring is more than a new page on the calendar, but also representative of the season that WE ARE DUE.

Stay tuned for updates on lyme treatments, liver disease, upcoming nuptials, and more. So much to say. We need to have coffee.

 


Lakes, Ribbons, and Changes

Has it really been since May, when the baby giraffe was new and summer was just beginning?

 

I began writing last year to share my story of an unusual path to some unexpected diagnoses – a place for seekers to land when they google things like “liver function tests” and “lyme” and “immune deficiency.” It took more than two years to untangle my myriad diagnoses, and I could have used information paired with hopeful reality during the fun months of limbo where we had no idea as to what was going on. My issues are rare enough that the likelihood of finding someone with the same constellation of illnesses who also happens to blog about them is as likely as my sons voluntarily replacing a toilet paper roll. (And Kristina Alcorn, I had already written this when you posted about this same topic on FB)

 

lyme-slices-for-successful-treatment-recipe-e1466303620638-660x330I chose the name “Embracing Plan B” from a long list of titles – things like “Living the Life You Didn’t Expect” or maybe playing off the lyme theme with something like “When Life Hands You Lyme” or my mother’s favorite which is “What to do When it Seems Like Everything is going to Hell” but that one didn’t really convey the open posture and positive vibe I was going for.

I hoped that the act of Embracing could set the tone for the way I hope to live under a new normal. Embracing is different from surrendering…. or even accepting. Embracing implies a sense of welcome. Arms opened, hands outstretched, proceeding with acceptance while seeking a silver lining. Settling into a new normal the way we sink into the comfy chair. When you embrace change – any change – you stop railing against it, and you open yourself to the new opportunities the change brings. Even a diagnosis provides opportunities to find joy if you are determined to throw confetti during the storm.

My type A self found satisfaction when plans unfolded….as planned. When hurdles were jumped, contingencies mapped, and budgets met. But more often than not, life rarely happens according to plan, and in order to survive and move forward in any area, we have to nurture (and embrace) a sense of resilience.

But, if we’re being honest here… it became harder and harder to write because we had a year where the unexpected came from every direction. Where almost every single corner of life was in limbo, and writing it all down made it much more real. I’ve re-started this blog so many times I’m like a teenager learning to drive a stick shift. But every time we flipped the page to a new month a new issue cropped up. Lyme and its companions have so profoundly affected my family that the last thing I wanted to do was to write about it during my spare time. But a recent visit to our family doctor reminded me that I was gifted with a voice, a laptop, and an annoying habit of googling things and telling everyone about it; because he very humbly shared that the events of the past year (among my own family) has changed the way they view, diagnose, and treat Lyme disease. We’ve shaken them to the point of seeking additional training, and they’ve asked us to use our voice to seek funding for education and treatment, so perhaps it’s time to get back to this.

And when we do finally get to the end of the story of 2017, you’ll understand why my writing has been so unpredictable. But now it appears that I need to get back to this place, where I share how Immune Deficiency, Liver Disease, and Lyme collided in a way that answered many of my questions, but also raised more than we ever imagined.

And when you ARE sick…life would be so much easier if you could just freaking be SICK. But it seems that you still need to make a living, feed the children, pull the weeds, and sort the socks.

But since we last chatted, we’ve launched a new business, sold one home, and found

lake

More on the new place…let’s just say the view looks like this, and all are welcome 🙂

another. We’re chasing a lifestyle that feels simpler, and is allowing us to make a living, feed the children, and pull the weeds. And ever since we unclenched our fists and said “yes” to this new idea, and embraced the fact that this story – OUR story, was going to be an honest part of our future, the doors have continued to open.

 

Right now, three of us (AND OH MY WORD ARE WE MISSING THE OTHER THREE) are in Maine. The place where my soul lives. (At least until August 21st – when my body and belongings will move to another place that feels very much like Maine, and also very much like YES. More about that later. Back to Maine.) Here Jim, Dylan, and I are recovering from the craziest nine months we’ve ever experienced.

We go to sleep to the sound of rain on the tin roof, and wake to fog lifting over the water, the dock inviting us to bring our coffee down. We watch Dylan do his dryland routine on the deck, and dive into ice-cold Maine water to get stronger and chase his dreams, stroke after stroke. As you may have noticed, 18 year olds who are about to go off to college tend to be extremely smart, and are definitely wiser than their ancient parents. Dylan does not escape this same sense of “worldliness” that must make it really difficult to tolerate us.

mom and dylSo please don’t tell him until much later that he has joined the ranks of those I call hero, demonstrating resilience, wisdom, and a depth of character revealed by months that forced all of us to dig deep, try again, go against the grain, and find new paths through uncharted waters. Which is why it’s so good that we are here. In waters that we know. Suspending time for just a little bit longer before

Honey

I think we’ll handle the empty nest just fine. As long as we get Jim to use sunscreen.

we send him off to “go get it.”

So it seems that I am back, you will here more about our story, and I will keep talking about Lyme – how to fight it, how to find it, how to prevent it, and how to live with it. But for now, for a few days, our youngest is still with us. And because we’ve done this a few times now, we know that these few days are just a little sweeter. Here he comes now, wearing only a speedo, sperries, and a backpack, and looking a little bit ridiculous. And I love it. Talk Soon.

So much love.


Welcome, May….and Lyme Disease Awareness! (Lymesplaining Part 1)

Hi readers and friends,

I am reposting our Lyme stories with Lyme Awareness month halfway gone. We are still fighting lyme, with good days and bad days, with grit and determination. But the CDC is warning that this year could be a pandemic year for lyme, and it’s being labeled a health “crisis.” Because it is. So without further ado…Our Intro to lyme. (And new content coming this week)

ZebrastrongIt has become obvious that this little site is becoming a connecting point for others who are either battling Lyme themselves, or suspect that either they or a family member may have Lyme disease. And humor me while I add a necessary disclaimer – I am by no means an expert, mostly because of my zero medical degrees. This is simply my story, and because it’s a rare and twisty account, I have found that baring my soul to the masses bears the fruit of making connections with others who are going through similar things, and we are always better when we learn from one another. So if doing a search for “Lyme” or “Interstitial Cystitis” brought you here, welcome, and I’m sorry you had to google it in the first place. But it works well for me, because last month I rejoined my blogging community to help raise awareness for CVID, the immunodeficiency that kind of kicked off this domino effect of illness and autoimmune issues. (April was CVID awareness month, which flows perfectly into May – which happens to be Lyme disease awareness month.)lyme awareness

Because it has been awhile, a brief (HA!) refresher: My backstory is important, because we are learning that any one of the issues I have can cause a cascade of other issues. This all started because I have a rare immune deficiency that is called, oddly enough, Common Variable Immune Deficiency . Last January I was also diagnosed with Primary Biliary Cirrhosis/Cholangitis (PBC) an even more rare autoimmune liver disease, and then, as luck would have it, last May I found out that I also have Nodular Regenerative Hyperplasia, a second liver disease…..which, turns out, was caused by….

lyme-slices-for-successful-treatment-recipe-e1466303620638-660x330

And not the LIMES we put in margaritas.

frigging LYME.

The CVID was triggered by an e-coli infection that I contracted 6 years ago. It’s kind of a “chicken or the egg” type of thing because we don’t know if the CVID caused me to be at risk for the PBC, or if the E-coli caused my liver to declare war on itself. And it really makes no difference, except that other warriors who have any one of these conditions need to understand their risk factors for co-morbid (a really morbid way of saying co-existing”) conditions.

don'twannahearLiver Disease number 2” – the Nodular Regenerative – Hyperplasia(NRH) is caused by chronic infections, and the chronic need for medication. The infections and the medications lead to bile duct injury, which causes Portal Hypertension very bad things. People with CVID tend to have lots (and lots and lots) of infections. In my case, I was having constant UTI’s requiring constant antibiotic treatment and pain management support. And no one could figure out why I got a UTI every time I stopped taking antibiotics. (There she goes talking about tinkle again.) We were warned by my team at NIH that unless we found the root cause of these chronic infections, and STOPPED THEM, the NRH would progress. (BTW – “Liver Disease Number 1” (the PBC) is actually behaving right now, responding to the Ursodiol and milk thistle that I take every day, and my liver numbers are finally in the normal range. Go, PBC Awareteam!)

I began an exhaustive search for an expert on chronic UTI’s and Interstitial Cystitis, and as luck (or providence) would have it, I came across a practitioner in DC who originally opened her practice to treat women for Interstitial Cystitis, which is the term for bladder pain caused by unknown pathogens. And after years of practice, she began to realize that the common denominator, the root cause of Interstitial Cystitis, is Lyme Disease. 98 %of her patients have Lyme Disease. At first I had a very hard time believing that I could have Lyme Disease in addition to everything else. But think about it- I have virtually no immune system. I was the perfect hostess for this intruder.hobby

Before this, I knew that Lyme was a very, very bad thing, and that was the extent of my knowledge. So here begins my attempt to break down this complicated illness and explain it in a way that at least I can understand…because so many of us think, “Tick bite, rash, antibiotics, good to go.”

This is getting really long. Shall I break this into two parts? But before I get into my Lyme lesson…let me just add my 2 cents.

cloak

Lyme Biofilms are not as cool as Harry’s Invisibility Cloak….but they are more difficult to penetrate.

We need to lobby for a name change. It should really be called Lyme DiseasES. I don’t have Lyme Disease. I have Lyme DISEASES. Ticks aren’t hit men who bite you once and move on. They prefer slow torture, and specialize in working undercover for years – and I mean, literally UNDERCOVER because they form protective shields called biofilms – like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, allowing them to remain undercover and very dangerous, and move about wreaking havoc under their cloak of invisibility biofilms.

But I digress. Let’s stop for today…it’s important to know the backstory of my Lyme disease, because one diagnosis led to another, which is an important reminder to stay vigilant without becoming obsessive. (Good luck with that.)

Tune in tomorrow for an exciting chapter on “What ticks feed on during their larval stages to contract so many diseases.” It will either inform you, or help you reach your weight watcher point goals.

14051735_10210153069284834_8145779128675517410_nSo Much Love,

Jenny

More About Jenny Here